Free To Be Page 2

  “I don’t think, Taiyo,” the flower replies. “I’m just a flower.”

  “Right… sorry… I knew that. I forget a lot. I hope I’m not bothering you. It’s just I never have anyone to talk to. And I haven’t seen any animals for a while now…”

  “Who are you talking to?” I shudder when I hear his irritated voice. From the flower, up his large, bulky, and dark-skinned body, I lift my eyes until they attend his agitated purple eyes. His black dreads drape down his black steel breastplate, also touching his large shield and ax. It’s Talden: the second oldest sibling of the four Darkane officers. His arms crossed, he scowls at me, impatient for a response.

  I gulp, my hands trembling.

  His lips part, revealing his grinding teeth. “Going to gawk at me all day or are you going to get in line?”

  “Y-yes, sir. Sorry, sir…” I clap my hands together and bow to him as I haste towards the line, joining everyone else. He shakes his head and moves on.

  I feel much safer when I join the others in line to receive dinner, the only time we eat every day. I hate it that I keep doing that—getting so immersed in my conversation with someone that I’m not paying attention to what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I get in trouble.

  But it’s okay. I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing now like everyone else. I’m complying and am invisible again to the scrutinizing spotlight… at least for now.

  After sighing with relief, I observe the courtyard. I watch as Talden positions himself on the other side of the low table, (the Leferian’s dinner table that is located in the center of the courtyard), where he is facing it and the dinner line where the rest of us are gathered—from this view he can see all of us. He crosses his arms and quickly gets distracted by thoughts in his head. Darkane soldiers walk around the fort talking to each other, eating, resting, working on various chores around the fort, and supervising us in line and at the table. None of us are allowed to talk to each other, but when the Darkane aren’t paying attention, many of us whisper to each other.

  Along the walls and corners of the courtyard is a blacksmithing station, sleeping tents for soldiers and each of the officers, tents for storage, and a medical tent located south of the fort, next to one of the openings of the large square perimeter hall. Directly inside the opening is the medical cell where injured and recovering prisoners are kept and supervised overnight. The other two cells where everyone else is kept overnight are located east and west of the fort, inside the hallways, near soldier barrack rooms.

  Fifteen of us, Leferians, from Fujian Valley, wait in line to get our food while the other fifteen are sat at the table eating. Among us are elderly, middle-aged adults, young adults, teenagers like me—I’m sixteen years old—and children. There is a good mix of men and women. Some of us are pale white, while others have tanner skin. We have colors of hair ranging from orange, (like me), black, (like Kagami and her older brother Katsu), blonde, (like Yumi and Akio), and gray, (like Sadao)—but the new guy is bald. All our eye colors are different, too. Like mine are hazel color; Kagami and Katsu’s are brown, and so on.

  The Darkane are much different from us. They all have the same dark-colored skin, the same purple eyes—except Fraisha who has glowing gray eyes—and the same black hair, just in different styles. They do range in ages—all of the officers look only about ten years or so older than me. What’s most different and odd about the Darkane is that there are no children at all... and almost no women. Valida is one of the very few Darkane women I ever see. Where are all of them I wonder? What happened to them?

  Since I’m thinking of Valida now, I look for her among the crowd of Leferians and Darkane. I see her leaning against the wall of the fort with her left leg resting on it. She fiddles with her hair and nails, inattentive and indifferent like most days. Valida is for certain the nicest of the four officer siblings. And she’s the most beautiful of the Darkane women. Among them, she is like the moon in the night. Her brown skin compliments her body like fur compliments a mammal, and feathers compliment a bird. Her hazel eyes shine like stars and entice you like the scent of freshly bloomed flowers. Her long, black hair looks silky and smooth and blows flawlessly in the wind like water off a lake. Her facial bones and body figure is so attractive that she makes the armor she wears look feminine and captivating. It’s no wonder so many heads turn towards her, whether it be one of us or the Darkane—and why her brothers, the other three officers are so protective of her.

  Fraisha—the eldest of the four officer siblings and leader of the Darkane, is the only officer not present in the courtyard—actually, I haven’t seen him out here in a while. He must be eating in his tent. But I’m certainly not complaining. That’s one less officer I have to worry about. And Fraisha like his other two brothers can be very scary in his own way.

  It looks like I’m moving up the line again… oh no. There are only three people ahead of me now. I gulp, my body automatically tenses up. I feel my heart rate increasing. One might assume I’d be happy knowing I’m about to get food after a long day… but I’m not. Not tonight.

  The more I think about what’s coming, the more I lose my appetite. What’s coming is the forceful endurance of scrutiny that is as painful as gazing at the sun and nerve-wracking as a life or death medical report. Before I can receive my food, I have to face him—Judan, the third oldest of the four officer siblings. Tall as his brother, Talden, but much skinnier and bonier, having short black hair, a seemingly permanent grave, and strict face, and big eyes that are always intensely fixating, Judan is the officer that often scares me the most.

  Not only he is the scariest looking, but of all the officers, he scrutinizes me the heaviest. Most of the time, I feel like I’m able to avoid the spotlight of most of the officers, but not Judan. Judan ensures that his full fixated attention is on me anytime I’m near him, even if it’s only to receive a bowl of rice.

  Every time I’m forced to endure an encounter with Judan, his scrutiny makes me feels like a drug has been injected into my heart—one that speeds its beating rate three times faster. I hear many others making the same complaints about him, but I’ve always felt like he’s the most scrutinizing with me—like he’s on to something I’ve done and it’s only a matter of time before he catches me. But what have I done wrong? I haven’t done anything wrong… right?

  When the person in front of me steps out of line after earning his rations, my heart races and my breaths deepen. I pull my eyes to the ground to avoid instant panic. However, avoiding eye contact doesn’t relieve my self-consciousness—I still feel the weight of his glare. It’s so overwhelming that I think about everything I’m doing, ensuring I’m not doing anything that might upset him or make me look suspicious—even if I did nothing wrong. Do I have a pleasing face? Or do I have an angry face and look like I’m challenging him? Is my body open or closed and appearing defiant? Are my hands open or balled? Also, I have to be careful not to look too confident or I’ll appear arrogant or worse: appearing like I think I’m above authority. I have to be careful not to offend, and not have my appearance upset him in any way. I have to appear weak and meek. I’m compliant, cooperative, and non-confrontational.

  I gulp as I lift my trembling hands. I’m scared he may be offended at me for not looking at him, but I’m afraid if I do I’ll accidentally and unknowingly make a displeasing face and upset him—I tend to do that a lot with most of the Darkane soldiers; they beat me and yell at me, warning me not to look at them like I’m better than them. But this is never my intention at all—I swear it. This is just another one of the many examples of how I very poorly misrepresent how I want to express myself.

  My hands are extended towards him, but my peripheral vision notices he pauses movement… and then so does my heartbeat. Oh no… have I done something wrong again?

  “It’s Taiyo, right?” he asks.

  “Ye-yes,” I reply, my voice shaking.

  “Look at me, Taiyo.”

  I do as he says, terrified of up
setting him further. I’m met with those same scrutinizing eyes I have nightmares every night about—not his eyes in particular, but all scrutinizing eyes. People like Judan are who I fear the most. If there’s any mistake I make, they’re the first to see it and punish me dearly for it. Or worse… if I accidentally or unknowingly do something I don’t mean to do, and they misinterpret it as me acting suspicious or hiding something... and then beating and interrogating me until I fess up whatever I’m hiding—this is my fear when someone is looking at me the way Judan is now.

  Without saying a word, he holds his intense examination on me, leaving me to guess whatever he’s thinking and I’m sure it’s not good. My body shivers. I try not to blink, but if I don’t, my head shudders and my panic leaks out of control. It’s embarrassing and makes me look guilty of something I haven’t done, but am terrified of being accused of.

  “Try to relax,” he says, placing in my hand my bowl of rice, eyeing me skeptically. “It’s not like you’re the mind-reader… hmm?”

  My eyes expand and I gulp. Wha-huh? Does he suspect me of being the mind-reader? No way. That’s not me. That’s not me! Right? I’d know if I was, right? But even if I’m not, what if I get accused of being him anyway? What are they even planning to do with him? They’ve been searching for the mind-reader among us since they’ve enslaved us—though none of us know what they’re talking about.

  I didn’t even know someone could read minds. Is there a mind-reader among us? Most of us don’t think so. Most of us don’t even think this person exists. But as long as the Darkane do… we’ll never be able to give them what they want. And now, because I always look so terrified and suspicious, I’m suspected of being him. And there’s probably nothing I can do about it...

  He nods me off and I haste towards the table. Ah… here we go. I despise this part as well: finding a place to sit. I feel like I’m on the stage and everyone is sneering at me, impatient about me doing something. I can’t think of where to sit while I’m visualizing all the eyes glaring at me.

  The clock is ticking and I only have so much time to decide. The problem is all the factors I have to consider. What seats are available? Who is it I’ll be sitting by? Will they be upset if I sit by them because they were saving that seat for someone else? Or what if I sit next to someone who doesn’t like me? Someone who thinks I’m a weird creep? Like… Kagami. Wherever she is, I have to make sure not to sit by her. I’m sure she doesn’t want me anywhere near her right now, especially after my humiliating encounter with her. At all costs, I have to locate her and sit as far from her as I can.

  “Will you sit down already you stupid slave?!” says an angry soldier, shoving me towards the table. He catches me off balance. I trip over myself and fall to the ground, slamming my bowl in the dirt. Rice flies everywhere. “I barely touched you. How weak can you be?” Before I have time to process the shock of my humiliating fall, the soldier lifts me off the ground, drags me to the low table, and forces me on my knees at the closest open spot. He storms off, cursing. I put my head down to hide my shame. I’m covered in dirt; I have no food, and now I have an urge to cry again. But I hold back the tears… terrified that if they see me crying after what happened, there will be additional abuse, ridicule, and scrutiny.

  “If a soldier sees us, we can take him down no problem as long as there are not too many at once. So if one sees you, take him down quickly and quietly,” whispers a voice next to me to two others next to him. “Just don’t get caught by the officers. They’re much faster and stronger than us. If any of us are seen by one, we’re finished.” When I raise my head to see who is speaking, I see that it’s Sadao. He’s eighteen. He’s got short gray hair, brown eyes, a fit build, and tanner skin than most of us, almost brown like the Darkane.

  “But what if we do run into them?” asks Yumi, a 17-year old, light blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with glowing light skin and a head-turning figure. Yumi, I think was the most popular girl in Fujian village because of how beautiful, fun, and charismatic she is.

  “Don’t fight them. Wait for one of us to distract them and then run,” says Katsu—Kagami’s older brother. He’s nineteen years old. He resembles Kagami so much that when I see him, I automatically shudder, thinking it’s her at first. Like her, he has brown eyes, bony cheeks, and a jawline, long black hair, pale and smooth skin, a skinny but fit figure, and is very good-looking.

  He’s like a male version of her, but I say this in regards to his appearance only. Personality-wise, they’re completely different. He’s confident and amazing at everything he does. He’s by far the most skilled person in our village. All the girls love him, and all the boys, like me, admire him. I remember when we were free, most of the guys would be afraid to approach Kagami because they revered Katsu so much. I did and do, too. I guess that was another reason why I never approached her. He is very protective of her—I’ve seen him do some pretty crazy stuff to secure her.

  Sadao continues. “We can’t fight the officers now, but if we’re unable to free everyone from their cells at the time of our initiation and we’re forced to flee the fort with just the four of us, we’ll seek out Akio’s relatives and their allies from other hidden villages, return with them—”

  “And then kick some booty,” says Yumi.

  “Yes. Akio has strong relatives who have strong friends in other villages.”

  “But are you sure they’ll help us? What if they don’t want to get involved?”

  “Akio promises they will. Don’t worry. He has close ties with his family, and he says they’re very strong, even stronger than the Darkane officers.”

  “Wow, really? That’s amazing. It seems like nobody’s stronger than them.”

  “The Darkane are not invincible. And soon, they’ll see that.”

  “Where is Akio anyway? Hasn’t he gotten his food yet?”

  At the second of his mention, a soldier shouts at someone behind me near the line. I turn to see what the ruckus is, but not as fast as everyone else. “You think you can just do whatever you want?” asks the soldier, shoving Akio who is puffing his chest, balling his fists, and reciprocating the soldier’s scowl. Akio has messy blonde hair, facial hair, an average build, and lively blue eyes. He’s also nineteen years old.

  Akio throws his arms in the air. “What’s the big deal? Can I not be a man? All I did was check her out. I know you’ve done the same plenty of times.”

  The soldier’s nostrils flare as his eyes bulge. “Who do you think you are—slave?!” He shoves Akio, Akio resisting the force. Judan watches in the background between them. His fists are balled, his face and body is tense, and his eyebrows are pulled together and bent downwards. He restrains himself from doing anything, but any second now, he looks like he’s going to erupt. “She is your master. You are to fear her and show her respect.”

  “I do fear her!” he says, launching his arms in the air again, stepping in the soldier’s face. Then he smiles maliciously. “I fear what I’d let her do to me in bed.”

  That did it. His face red, the soldier hooks him in the head, knocks him to the ground, and follows up with a pouncing. After the fourth hit, Akio pulls the soldier down, rolls on top of him, and hooks him over the head.

  People spring up from the table, but Talden shouts, sit down, as he races over to the fight. Talden meets Judan at the scene, who is still passive and shaking his head.

  Valida follows after Talden, looking curious and intrigued. “Stay back and watch them,” Talden tells her, facing Akio with a devilish scowl. “You again?!” When Akio faces him, he’s met with a kick to the face, Talden knocking him off the soldier. Talden hovers over him and throws a series of jabs to the face. Akio bleeds instantly as I hear his nose breaking from here.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” shouts Valida, getting in between them. “Stop, Talden. You’re going to kill him.” She grips his arm, pulling it back and eyeing him.

  He allows her to stop him, facing her for a second and then back on Akio, who lays dizzy and d
efeated on the ground with blood on his face. “Yeah? So what? Maybe this one needs to die.”

  “Relax, alright? He can’t help if he’s attracted to me.”

  “But he should be able to control what comes out of his mouth.”

  “I think you made your point, don’t you?”

  Akio spits out blood to the side of him, laughing.

  “I don’t know. What do you think, Valida?”

  “He’s an idiot. Stop taking him so seriously. Besides, we need him alive in case he’s the mind-reader.”

  “This one’s not the mind-reader. I’m sure of it.”

  “Well, he’s still useful on missions and you know it.”

  “It’s not about how I react!” he shouts abruptly, pulling himself off of Akio and towering over Valida. “It’s about our slaves showing their masters respect!”

  “Okay,” Valida says calmly, unintimidated, and gesturing him to dial it down. Talden scoffs and departs the scene with balled fists.

  When he goes inside his tent for the night, Valida examines Akio with pity on her face. “You behave yourself now,” she warns. “My brother won’t always be this patient with me.” She winks at him. Then she stands and addresses the rest of us. “Show’s over. Everyone get back to whatever you were doing.”

  “Approach, whoever is next in line,” Judan commands as he resumes serving food like nothing out of the ordinary has happened. It isn’t entirely unusual for Akio to misbehave. He does so often, but it’s been a while since he’s gotten in this much trouble. I admire his boldness, but I wonder if his courage is worth it. I feel like nearly all of his beatings could have been avoided if he had simply done what was expected of him.

  Akio doesn’t budge from the ground. It looks like he’s pondering deeply about something, gazing at the sky. The soldier he knocked on the ground gets up with the help of another soldier and he kicks Akio suddenly, getting his attention. “You watch yourself slave. I’m not done with you yet.” Then he walks off, feeling for swelling on his face. The soldier who helped the other hovers over Akio. Thankfully for Akio, this soldier is much more patient. “You going to sleep down there?”